Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do herpes really smell.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
