It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
