Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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