U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
