Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
