how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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