My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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