margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
