before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
