One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
