To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
