you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Boobs speak an international language.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
