I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
