tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
