Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
