Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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