He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
