It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
