Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
