just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
