i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
