i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
