Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
