I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
