Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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