Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
