You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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