Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize