oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
