I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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