I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
