I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
