The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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