so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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