NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
