At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
