i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
