i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
