Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
