Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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