What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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