Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
