that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
