It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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