so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
