Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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