butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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