He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
