I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The best revenge is premature balding
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
