No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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