Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
