You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize