She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
