dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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