Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
