Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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