I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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