2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
