I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
