Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize