3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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