I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
