Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i think i have two assholes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
