Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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