My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
