she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
