It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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