You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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