i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
