Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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