I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
