I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
