he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
